So What HAVE I Been Doing...

To take up all of my time this year? You all know I've been studying Vet Tech for the past year, so let me tell you what that entails. Aside from being President of the Vet Tech Club...

Vet Techs can do everything but four things that only Veterinarians can do:
1) We cannot do surgeries.
2) We cannot prescribe medication. We can fill prescriptions, but not prescribe anything.
3) We cannot give Prognosis or Diagnosis to our clients about our patients... which includes reassuring that their animal is going to be alright...
4) We cannot instigate treatment without the doctor giving us permission to do so.

I've come to realize that somehow I always wind up in the lion's den....
Literally...

My first week, we did a Cattle lab in Animal Handling and Restraint. I'm somewhat afraid of cattle, but thought I could manage. We were gathering up the cattle and fencing them off so that we could drive them into the chute. I was just trying to follow the herd of students when suddenly I find myself in the corral with four other student and the two teachers. Here I was, tiny little me, staring at our seven head of very large, fat cattle, who looked just as scared as I felt. We drove our four into the chute... with very little help from me... ^_^' and proceeded with our lab.

The second time I was caught in the lion's den, was during Wildlife Management. Again, I was just trying to absorb as much as possible while following the group. We were doing the Bear lab, and trying to anesthetist our year old cub. Keep in mind that this 'little' bear cub was at least 230 lbs and when it stood on its hind legs it was at least my hight, about 5'5". So we were in the cage and the Vet says that only one of us can be in there. So I turn to leave and find the door closing behind me with all of my Vet Tech comrades waiting outside of the cage.

So our cub finally goes down after about 30 min and A LOT of tranquilizer and the Vet and DOW guys start dragging him towards the tub, so that we can work on getting his tags in and implanting a microchip under his skin, and he wakes up! Of course he starts charging my way, and I ran out of the way and let him run back into his Faux Den. About 20 min later he's finally out cold and we got to go forward with our procedures. 

This year I also saved the lives of six kittens and successfully drew blood out of the jugular on a goat... On the first try even!

I feel busy... but really I'm not!!!... Yet

Okay so I just finished my first semester of Vet Tech which was 16 credits! I nearly failed math, which would have cost me an entire year!!! But I didn't so I'm pleased. I'm still on track to graduate at the end of the next school year. The upcoming semester will be soooooo much harder! I'll be taking 22 credits!!! The average full time student only takes 12..... So I'm scared, but I think everything will be fine. Just don't expect to hear from me until summer!

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday and I wish you all the best in the upcoming year. I'm not officially busy until the 16th, but just in case you don't hear from me!

An Interesting Observation

I went to school yesterday without makeup, and you should have seen the reactions I got...!!! Lolz I have bad skin, I can be the first to say this! Mostly its the red acne scars that have been left on my face, but its really quite funny how people react to women who refuse to cover their imperfections! Yesterday I was sick, slept in, and didn't put makeup on. And women glared at me! People avoided my eyes, but would stare... It was so interesting!!! It was fascinating!!! The only person who treated me the same was one of my friends, another of my friends seemed to feel rather awkward around me. I don't mind, I just find it interesting. The more I live in this country, the more Asian I feel. And I'm only 1/4 Asian!!! I don't speak to people unless they speak to me, I wear facial masks when I'm sick and get funny looks when I do that as well.

America is strange... People claim one thing and then act another. The hypocrisy is just too much! It makes me laugh.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a full time student, doing 13 credits and trying to get a job before I'm FUCKING HOMELESS!!!! Doing 78 math problems isn't helping me!!! I DO NOT have 10 hours to spend on math home work. Who the fuck do you think you are? You are the math teacher from hell! I hate you, and I'm starting to re-hate math because of you. I used to love math, but your turning it into a fucked up mess. I have three other classes, how many classes on average do you think we're taking? We are full time student, who happen to be in remedial math... and guess what? We have lives, and families, and work. We need time with them and to ourselves. Just because we're your first class in eight years, just because we're your only class, just because we're remedial does NOT mean that we are people with nothing to do. I spend at least 6-7 hours on homework for my class that's once a week, I spend at least 6 hours on English, and at least 3 hours on Speech. I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO DO 10 HOURS OF MATH!!! Three hours is enough for me to understand and practice the concept... Having 78 due on Thursday when they were given to us on Tuesday is fucking ridiculous!

I'm sick... Which means I missed Tuesday, got these problems Today and they're due tomorrow. I know its my responsibility to come to class, but I'm Sorry I was puking my fucking guts out!!! And now I have a head cold - will have to stay up all night - and have to stay up until 10 pm tomorrow night... I have to do English and practice for my presentation tomorrow, and do at least 2 hours in my notebook... I feel super sick, getting sicker... and I'm pissed as hell.

I would have quit your class long ago if not for the need of it. I would have quit your class long ago if not for the need to keep my scholarship, which requires me to be enrolled in a certain number of credits. I would have quit long ago and joined another class if I had the ability and resource to drive,but I don't and won't be able to learn until the summer... I won't be able to get a house until late summer.... I won't be able to get a job until summer... Which means I'll never be free... BTW it's scholarship season, they are due the 15th of March, which means I need time to do that and FAFSA.... But I don't have time... I don't have the energy, and I never do anything fun anymore....

A little ambling notion

As I read my assigned reading, I think about how school has affected my learning and effected me. To quote Jerry Farber, "History is engrossing, Literature is so beautiful. And school is likely to turn them dull or even ugly." I find this completely true on so many levels. I, myself, often admit that though I didn't go to school very often as a child, I learned more from my studying at home than I ever did at school. I was often much more competent in my "academic skills", although my grades didn't reflect this. I didn't mind being an F student... This way I could study more enthusiastically. I would read text books... similar to the ones I'm having to choke down now. It would be a great venture to be able to study freely, without petty competitiveness, or rewards and punishments. Its taken me years to figure out that being an F student didn't make me lazy or stupid... it showed a stubborn unwillingness to submit to being a slave of the system, so to speak. Skipping school, avoiding it, was my way of teaching myself, in my own time and on my own terms. Learning, actual learning, is self discipline. And what is self discipline, but a way of making yourself happy...

I'm PISSED!!! SOS

I can't follow my math teacher, can't change classes, I've gotten a tutor, but if I can't explain what I need help with... I'm so frustrated right now...

I can't follow my math teacher because he SUCKS!!! He hasn't taught in 8 years and jumps around all over the place!!! EVERYONE in class is confused and I'm fine with the homework, even though he assigns homework that isn't even relevant to the lecture, but later in the semester I'm not going to understand a thing!!! HE WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSE TO BE THE ONE TEACHING THE CLASS!!!! I understand that situations come up where a teacher won't be able to do a class, but at least give us a heads up. The only other classes are: 2 at 9am M/W or T/TH... which I can't make because I don't have a ride... Why don't I have a ride? Because Stephen is a FUCKING LAZY ASSHOLE!!!! He refuses to get up that early so I have to be stuck with a teacher that can't teach me.... There is one other class, M/W at 6:00-8:00pm... Which means I wouldn't have time to do homework and its expensive... 4-5 dollars to and from. Weekly that would be... 21 dollars a week that I don't have... Plus it makes getting a job even harder, because I won't be available for nights... I'd need a job to be able to pay the $21 a week...

I don't think a tutor is what I need... I need a better teacher...

I need a car, I need a Job to get a car, I need a job to pay for rent, otherwise I'll be homeless come May.... I feel like I have to choose between work and school... Neither of which I can do.... I can't handle this pressure.... I need time... Which no one will give me.... I need money..... I have no solutions so if anyone does, please leave a comment....

Public Speaking Class

We had to play Two Truths and a Lie in class today, so one of my truths was that I had attempted to commit suicide when I was 13... and that it wasn't my first. I didn't, however, explain that it was my last attempt and that I've been in counseling for it, ect. It was breif, I more or less just wanted to go back to my seat as soon as possible.My boyfriend is making me feel super self conscious about it. At first I felt fine, because I learned a lot from that experience. But Stephen says that it was probably really shocking to people. But everyone else was pretty open about personal stuff, was I too open? I want to be more open with people, I want to make friends, and be more personable... Damn now I'm really regretting it.... I hate self-doubt!!! Whatever... what ever happens, happens.

English Class...

I have a person who harassed me as a child for a classmate... I don't care though, she's just as miserable as I was, perhaps more. Since I wasn't the one who took my frustration out of others... at least not until pushed. I can see her suffering, even now, and wonder what tragic events lead her to become this way. I wonder if she recognizes me... Though I doubt it, she hasn't seen me for about six years, and has probably moved on with her bitter little life. When I say this, I don't feel contempt, only pity. It makes me feel terrible, that she will never have the laugh lines that I have. Now, more than ever, I believe that grade school is terrible for everyone.

I am worried that she might start something, but its college, so I don't think she will. I really do appreciate the experiences she, and others, gave me. Without struggling, I would be the person I am now. And I'm pretty happy with who I am. I can handle people better, I can handle anger better, I can handle criticism better than I used to, and without these experiences I would have never heard of Sophie Lancaster, I would never have wanted equality for everyone. I have felt a whole range of emotions in my lifetime; I believe this has deeply expanded my world. This has deeply enriched my human experience. In this knowledge, of my strengths and weaknesses, I feel secure.

Moving on. In class we had to do a 20 min free write on why we were there. Too short for me, but at least I mostly finished. That was all we had, since our teacher is stuck on Vale Pass. Its unfortunate, as I really wanted to get a feel for her teaching style, before its not too late to change classes.

First Day of Second Semester

This is my second semester of college... And will probably be my easiest. I have four classes, my hardest day being Thursday, which I have three classes and must wait 30 min after for the bus. Basically, I'll be getting home at Ten pm, but I don't have Friday classes, so its okay. My first class starts in an hour... Its Public Speaking!!! I'm nervous, so I'm wearing red lipstick and four to five inch heels.... Apparently I'm over compensating... Is that two words or one? At least I'm not wearing the fish-tail skirt and black and white under-bust corset like I had originally planned... That will have to wait until Comparative Religions class on Thursday. Hahahahahaha!!!

I waited until the LAST MINUTE to get my books. But I'm glad everything went smoothly and quickly with that! And my books were only $200-something The cheapest yet!!! I have to start doing my scholarship stuff... I'll probably post advice on that as well, it can be really challenging! I feel pretty out of it right now, as I'm sure you can tell. I covered my face in concealer, which seems to be working well for me, it looks somewhat natural!!! I get some interesting looks, but I'm certainly NOT the weirdest looking person here!!! Hahahahaha!! Mean, but true. Right now, I'm in my favorite hiding spot... the farthest, darkest corner of the library. My stomach is burning, but at least I know where my class is!!!

I will be a better student this quarter!!! This is my mantra!

Manic Month for Paranoia

This is my Manic Month for Paranoia.... I'm constantly paranoid during this month, and honestly.... I can't remember the events of any January during my Life.... 17 Januaries that I can't remember... Right now I feel like my minds racing and I can't stop my thoughts. I hope this blog will help me, at least I'll have something to keep track of this month with... Right now I'm paranoid that my neighbor has been stealing my mail... or my boyfriend's mom!!! I know I sound crazy, I feel crazy!!!! My Paranoia feels like a weird feeling in my stomach and in my head. In my stomach it feels like dread, but not exactly. I'm not hallucinating yet, so that's always good! I've been trying to focus on a lot of other things... but its catching up to me quick, this feeling. Any way, school starts the 17th which is Monday, at least that will give me something to focus on.

Yay Finals are over and I survived!!!!!!!!!

Though I'm super burned out and ready for my month long vacation. I have fairly good grades... I know my grades for two of my classes, but for math I won't know for a while. I'm feeling fairly confident though! And I've almost gotten all of my Yule gifts bought!

I'm also kinda planning a vacation... I won't be able to do it for a year though, but the summer after next, I am ABSOLUTELY going to go to Japan. I still have to save though... which is hard since I have to buy new cloths... mine are wearing out:(...

Its Finals Week

That's where I've been and where I'll be for a little while. I have so great reviews coming up... and probably some vids too. Happy Holidays to everyone.

Narcolepsy...

I just posted a video I made for my Psychology Class... so I figured I'd write about what I learned. I originally wanted to do a video on SUNDS, or Sudden Unexpected Nocturnal Death Syndrome. There just simply wasn't enough information on it... like whether or not it occurred in REM or Non-REM; basically like Nightmares, or Night Terrors.... So instead I interviewed my Roommate Nicolas Craft, who is a Narcoleptic. The Interview was conducted by Ashley King. HUGE thanks to both of them!!!! I actually got all of the footage I needed in about 4 takes, so that was amazing... they were AMAZING on camera. Ashley brought A LOT of much needed humor to the film. So I'm pretty happy with the film overall... The film was shot with a crew of four people, including myself!!! And this film was accomplished in EXACTLY 24 hours!!! Haha maybe I should do Insomnia Film Fest!!!

Narcolepsy is a neurological sleep disorder affecting 1 in every 2000 Americans... and nearly 3 million people around the world. (That was taken directly from Wikipedia, btw...)

Automatic Behavior is very similar to Sleepwalking...

Hypnagogia: A state of transition to wakefulness. Symptoms include sleep paralysis, hallucinations, and lucid dreaming, to name a few.

Cataplexy is a sudden weakening of the muscles, sometimes brought on by strong emotions.

Narcolepsy

Aikido

I've been studying Aikido for about two semesters, and I really love it. Its very challenging and makes me really work on my posture and my balance. The class is at the local college, where I regularly attend. Its a one credit coarse, which means its about 49 dollars per quarter. I don't know if I'll do it next quarter... it will be winter and I'll have to ride the bus at 9 o'clock at night. We'll see though.

School Girls/Guys

Okay so there's been this trend going around the YouTube community about mean girls and guys. Bullying in General, pretty much. I just have to address this... These girls on youtube are beautiful, capable, young women, and they're cases are a dime a dozen and aren't even that bad... Its not like they're getting picked on everyday, its not their whole school that's against them, they have good home lives, parents that care... ect And its really pissing me off that they think they have a bad life, just because of one incident...

Okay here's My Story...
All through elementary school, through middle school, up until I changed schools at the beginning of high school. I was harassed, by my whole grade and even people in other grades...Now I wasn't Just 'picked on' I was harassed. Everyday... I hated school and the people around me. I didn't really have any friends. People would throw things at me, they would push me, trip me, kick me, ect.... They would verbally harass me... Spiritually Harass me.... and no one would do anything about it. It was literally me against my whole world... I don't use THE because it wasn't THE WHOLE World.. just my world and what surrounded me on a daily bases....

For the longest time I couldn't figure out what was WRONG with me. Why people didn't like me, no matter what I did or didn't do. Even some teachers were against me, they would urge the other kids to harass me... no joke.... I didn't trust anyone. I HATED myself... I HATED everyone... For the longest time I was lost inside myself... Lost in the darkness of my mind, lost in despair and anger and hate. That's all I saw for the longest time. My self worth, back then, was all about other people. I wanted revenge.. this is what I LIVED For...

I black out. I tend to bottle things up, my emotions I mean. If I get too angry/upset; I loose it. I loose whatever control I have over myself and the primal part of my brain takes over.... I shut down... I truly believe I could kill someone in that state... and that scares me... SO MUCH. I'm terrified of myself, of loosing control. What's worse is that I don't even remember it... what happens... ect

By the end of my 8th grade year, I had more friends, I was so desperate to get out of that situation... I was so hopeless, confused, jaded, angry.... I almost couldn't function.... I was having panic attacks almost every day. At home thankfully, but still.... I almost did at school one day... and it was my fear that stopped it... By then I knew I had to get away from those kids. I had to get out of that situation... or someone was going to die. That's how it was.

So I went to Yampah Mountain High School, which was a lot better. I loved my first year there and I found a lot of people that I like and care about... And I know without Yampah I probably wouldn't have graduated from high school... But now its going to hell, and I'm glad I'm not there. I'm glad I don't have to watch the place that saved me fall apart.

Hikikomori

I'm starting to wonder about myself...again. I really believe if it weren't for school, I wouldn't come out of my house.... I pretty much live on my computer; on the internet. I think it started happening when I was seven. I hated school, I hated people, so I would often fake being sick for long periods of time. Just so I could be away from everything that hurt me. Then my 'illnesses' started to become real. I felt so much anxiety that I couldn't function... it was around this time that I started to have panic attacks. I was abused as a child, physically and emotionally. I was also endlessly harassed by other school children. Why? I really don't know, everything I did was wrong... the way I dressed, the way my mother had my hair cut, the way I would just keep quiet and never speak in class. I barely cared for anyone, never really had a crush until I was 12. I barely cared for myself, or what happened to me. I guess it was all those years of being called 'worthless'... or a 'stupid bitch'.... When I was around 9 I finally stood up to my mother.... now we would get into fist fights.... literal fist fights. I was young, weak, scared... but at nine years old, I finally really took a stand. My father, who is deeply clinically depressed, was pretty much non existant... though he is the one I was closest to. Though I would never call myself a 'daddy's girl', I wasn't close to anyone else.

I know hikikomori's never leave their rooms/houses, but I wouldn't if I didn't have obligations...

First day of Classes...

Microbio went really well; I have homework. Its weird, last night and this morning I was really scared, but as soon as I sat down in the classroom, all my fears went away! I was glad.

General Psych... I was nervous, but the class went well. The teacher has a dress code... which sucks cause it limits my wardrobe.... No cleavage, no ass... not in those words, but you get the picture.
So the teacher asked who would be on Fear Factor for like 50,000. Most people raised their hand. Then she asked who would only do the eating part for some amount of money. About ten people, including myself, raised their hand. Then she asked us to keep our hands raised, and pulled out a bag containing two crickets and two worms. One of each were covered in white chocolate, and the other two were covered in dark chocolate. Cutting to the chase, most of the people who said that they would eat something "abnormal" for an amount of money, put their hands down once the real thing was in front of them. She then asked if there was anyone who would eat one of these for a dollar... I raised my hand... and won!!! Yay... I picked the cricket covered in dark chocolate. It was okay... it tasted like a Nestle Crunch Bar; I'm not a big fan, but I'm glad I tried it... It was my first insect. I've had arachnids, and I've had reptiles, but never an insect....

Watch out Andrew Zimmern.... I'm after your job!!!

School...

Next week is my first official week of college... I'm not excited, but I'm not nervous either. Last year, my senior year, I was doing college courses, so I'm already kind of used to it. This semester I will be taking 16 credits. I was doing two classes this summer; I passed both! Yay! I'm so glad. I'm trying to get a job... hoping everything goes well... Hoping to move in with a friend; the rent is 400... its a good place and I can get almost everywhere pretty easily, so I really hope I get this job! My classes and books I don't have to pay for, thanks to financial aid... I would truly be lost without it!!!!

Prom Picts 2009-2010

These are just of me, because I don't have anyone's permission to post pictures of them. There are other people in the background though.