Hikikomori

I'm starting to wonder about myself...again. I really believe if it weren't for school, I wouldn't come out of my house.... I pretty much live on my computer; on the internet. I think it started happening when I was seven. I hated school, I hated people, so I would often fake being sick for long periods of time. Just so I could be away from everything that hurt me. Then my 'illnesses' started to become real. I felt so much anxiety that I couldn't function... it was around this time that I started to have panic attacks. I was abused as a child, physically and emotionally. I was also endlessly harassed by other school children. Why? I really don't know, everything I did was wrong... the way I dressed, the way my mother had my hair cut, the way I would just keep quiet and never speak in class. I barely cared for anyone, never really had a crush until I was 12. I barely cared for myself, or what happened to me. I guess it was all those years of being called 'worthless'... or a 'stupid bitch'.... When I was around 9 I finally stood up to my mother.... now we would get into fist fights.... literal fist fights. I was young, weak, scared... but at nine years old, I finally really took a stand. My father, who is deeply clinically depressed, was pretty much non existant... though he is the one I was closest to. Though I would never call myself a 'daddy's girl', I wasn't close to anyone else.

I know hikikomori's never leave their rooms/houses, but I wouldn't if I didn't have obligations...

Names...

Ladydeath was kind of my first public name and its something I've gone by for a while. The 777 represents life. My name is Penelope, but everyone calls me Penny, friends call me Pen. I don't really care.... lolz I guess that's about it for names.