A little ambling notion

As I read my assigned reading, I think about how school has affected my learning and effected me. To quote Jerry Farber, "History is engrossing, Literature is so beautiful. And school is likely to turn them dull or even ugly." I find this completely true on so many levels. I, myself, often admit that though I didn't go to school very often as a child, I learned more from my studying at home than I ever did at school. I was often much more competent in my "academic skills", although my grades didn't reflect this. I didn't mind being an F student... This way I could study more enthusiastically. I would read text books... similar to the ones I'm having to choke down now. It would be a great venture to be able to study freely, without petty competitiveness, or rewards and punishments. Its taken me years to figure out that being an F student didn't make me lazy or stupid... it showed a stubborn unwillingness to submit to being a slave of the system, so to speak. Skipping school, avoiding it, was my way of teaching myself, in my own time and on my own terms. Learning, actual learning, is self discipline. And what is self discipline, but a way of making yourself happy...

English Class...

I have a person who harassed me as a child for a classmate... I don't care though, she's just as miserable as I was, perhaps more. Since I wasn't the one who took my frustration out of others... at least not until pushed. I can see her suffering, even now, and wonder what tragic events lead her to become this way. I wonder if she recognizes me... Though I doubt it, she hasn't seen me for about six years, and has probably moved on with her bitter little life. When I say this, I don't feel contempt, only pity. It makes me feel terrible, that she will never have the laugh lines that I have. Now, more than ever, I believe that grade school is terrible for everyone.

I am worried that she might start something, but its college, so I don't think she will. I really do appreciate the experiences she, and others, gave me. Without struggling, I would be the person I am now. And I'm pretty happy with who I am. I can handle people better, I can handle anger better, I can handle criticism better than I used to, and without these experiences I would have never heard of Sophie Lancaster, I would never have wanted equality for everyone. I have felt a whole range of emotions in my lifetime; I believe this has deeply expanded my world. This has deeply enriched my human experience. In this knowledge, of my strengths and weaknesses, I feel secure.

Moving on. In class we had to do a 20 min free write on why we were there. Too short for me, but at least I mostly finished. That was all we had, since our teacher is stuck on Vale Pass. Its unfortunate, as I really wanted to get a feel for her teaching style, before its not too late to change classes.